Trauma Center What Ifs
by Meeko-the-One-Armed-Dragon
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if one moment turned out differently in the games?


HAHAHAHA I'VE RETURNED WITH ANOTHER TRAUMA CENTER ONE-SHOT!

But this time it's supposed to be funny. Let's hope I succeeded!

* * *

A Trauma Center One-Shot

What if…

_

* * *

It wasn't the fire alarm?

* * *

_

BRIIIIIING!

"Is that the fire alarm!?" Markus immediately jumped from his chair, body tense. Is that why the Professor had paged them…?

Then Elena cut across in front of him. "Actually, that sounds like the microwave," she admitted, opening its door and taking out a bag of popcorn. The ringing stopped.

"Oh…" He sat down, face a deep red.

_

* * *

Markus wasn't emo?

* * *

_

Valerie walked into Concordia with her bag in hand. "Morning Denny," she chimed to the receptionist.

"Morning Val!" A crazily grinning face popped in front of her.

She sighed. "Morning Markus," she muttered. Every day…

The surgeon straightened up, the smile stuck on him. "The op's at eleven, right?"

"Yeah."

"Alright! See ya later!" With that he skipped away, _skipped_ away, with rainbows and butterflies and unicorns following close behind.

She sighed again as a pink unicorn took an interest in her hair. Every single stinkin' day…

_

* * *

Angie wasn't as annoying or blunt?

* * *

_

"I hate Savato…Anige, hand me the sutures."

"Don't worry, I believe in your suturing skills!"

"…"

* * *

_Derek died during the operation?

* * *

_

The police were baffled. Three thousand people had all thrown themselves off of Caduceus USA headquarters in the last six months, all with no connections to each other.

However, there was a link; they had all played Trauma Center.

_

* * *

Emilio was operated on first?

* * *

_

"YES!" He pumped his fist into the air. "THE HEALING TOUCH SAVES THE DAY! AGAIN!!"

"Doctor, what about the other patients?" Angie asked.

"Screw the other patients, I just saved Emilio!"

"Uh, doctor…" She sweatdropped as her partner started doing the Hare Hare Yukai dance in celebration. "Heather and the other patients still need to be-"

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

"…never mind."

_

* * *

Reina died during the final operation?

* * *

_

"OH NOES!" Derek gasped. "Reina is dead, and now all of the GUILT inside those tanks will burst out and kill us all!"

"Actually…" Tyler emerged, carrying a wrench and a plunger. "I disabled the 'spew GUILT out' function, so we're all safe."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

There was silence until Derek started prancing around the room. "Ding dong, the witch is dead!"

And the world rejoiced.

_

* * *

Caduceus banned curse words?

* * *

_

All was well in the research lab. Well, for the moment.

Then a hand reached up, poked him, and then quickly retreated.

"…"

It came back and poked him again.

"…" Twitch.

Another poke.

"…stop."

Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke-

"TYLER YOU FUDGE-COVERED ILLEGITMATE CHILD! IF YOU DON'T STOP FUDGING POKING ME, THEN I WILL RIP OUT FOR FUDGING SPLEEN AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR F***ING ASS!"

"Director Kasal, Victor's breaking the ban!"

"…fudge."

_

* * *

Naomi met the blonde dude again?

* * *

_

"So you're the director of a hospital now?" Naomi asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

The blonde man nodded. "Yes. It's located in America and called Resurgam."

"Quite ironic, considering your background."

"No more than yours."

She chuckled. "I suppose you have a point."

She set down her coffee. "I was wondering…"

He looked over his cup of tea. "Yes?"

"For all the years I've known you…" She stirred some sugar in. "I've never known your name."

He immediately turned bright red. "Um…well…" he stammered. "It's kind of…embarrassing…Had to use a fake name, you know…"

"Can't be worse than the fake name that has the same initials as the Nintendo Wii…"

"Well…" He chanced a glance at his watch and exclaimed, "Oh, look at the time! I have to get to a meeting!" He gulped the rest of his tea down and ran out the door, eyes glued to the floor.

Naomi was left there sitting alone and blinking in confusion.

_

* * *

Derek (finally) got PGS?

* * *

_

"Alright, let's begin the- hurrk!" The doctor clutched his chest before falling over.

"Doctor Stiles!"

A few hours later, Naomi was holding a scalpel over Derek's heart. "Déjà vu…"

_

* * *

The coffee machine broke?

* * *

_

_In Second Opinion…_

"Mr. Stiles! Pull the glass out straight!"

"Mr. Stiles! The stabilizer goes into the patient, not the operating table!"

"Mr. Stiles! How many licks-"

_Need…my…caffeine…_were his last thoughts before he did a face plant into the operating area, fast asleep and deaf to Angie's rants. "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…"

_In Under the Knife 2…_

Dr. Clarks barged into the office, doctor's coat flapping for dramatic effect. "Dr. Stiles, there are new PGS patients and we need you to treat them!"

Then he noticed the surgeon had his head resting on a pile of paperwork and was drooling on them. "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…"

_In New Blood…_

"Hey, the Stigma report is due tomorrow."

The only response what a barrage of "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"'s.

Valerie sighed.

* * *

Holy heck that was really fun to write! Although everyone was OOC and how the heck does a microwave make a ringing sound?

Angie minus annoying-ous equals...Elena.

-readies chainsaw-

What is the blond dude's real name? I hope it's Florence.

PARODY OF WHAT EMILIO FANS WANT TO HAPPEN! YAY!

And Resurgam is a sucky hospital name. What the heck Atlus?

…I'm still in love with New Blood.


End file.
